BadAss Lands

27th of August

For as many wrong turns we took, yesterday proved to be the relaxing fun day we had intended. We got to Spokane Creek Campground at 12:30 pm the night before, after a close encounter with a ghostly looking Bison on the side of the road. After a prior phone conversation with Vicki, the receptionist at the campground, we were warned from taking byway 16A. Map in hand, I navigated down 16A as Theresa piloted. This was Whoops #1. About to direct T to turn around, the Spokane Creek sign appeared out of nowhere. We pulled in and pitched our tent.

Friday was the big Switcharoo day. We were very productive… Lounged by the pool, showered, and exchanged make-up routines before heading to Mt. Rushmore to catch the lighting ceremony at 9 pm. Vicki had given us strict directions to avoid the route that took us through the tunnels since we are driving the Uhaul. We headed out dressed in the other’s attire. The drive was beautiful, even though it was the “less-scenic route.” I impressed myself with my maneuvering skills as we whipped around tight switchbacks. Everything was smooth sailing, that is until, I rounded the corner only to see the miniature car ahead of me squeezing through a narrow tunnel. Whoops, this was THE SCENIC route. Too stubborn to turn around, I mean we had driven 8 miles, I told Theresa we would be ok, I held my breath, and released the brake. Thankfully we made it through all three tunnels. Take that Vicki.

Be Lazy

Written 25 August 2011:

“Be Lazy,” and “Don’t do anything you don’t want to do,” profound advice from our new friends Paul and Sonja Parker, two Germans from Koln. They were visiting Yellowstone National Park, two weeks into their month long honeymoon. Rekindling their love after 15 years apart, both married to others, they found each other once again. So to all you pessimists out there-it really does happen. As for Paul’s advice, I am definitely going to take it. It's not what you think...the “be lazy” part, doesn’t mean sit on your ass and eat bon-bons. It just means to allow time in your life to do the things you love. Because if you do the things you love, you will do them well and in turn be very successful.

While driving out of the park today, Theresa and I schemed up a game for tomorrow. We are going to switch identities. So starting tomorrow, at Mt. Rushmore, I will officially be Theresa Marie Brown, and she will be Elizabeth Anastasia Lacoco. I’m excited to tell everyone about my new beginning in Vermont on the farm, reminisce tales of my rock climbing adventures and just generally be a BADASS. Details of this experiment to follow.

In addition to planking across America, we are also ECJing. For all of those who has yet to be included in the ECJ loop, welcome. The ECJ phenomenon is similar to that of Brangelina but, instead of supercouple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, ECJ is a combination of the lovely Emma Caroline rubens and Caroline Jane stoddard. This duo is far more powerful though, I mean, look at what happened to Brangelina. Anyways, they made “ECJ Loves You” stickers that we have been spreading throughout our travels.

Leg Dos: Portland to Bozeman

I’m grumpy, tired and cynical. My stomach hurts because I just ate a disgusting A&W burger, which I dipped in creamy buttery spread that I thought was just strangely textured mayonnaise. Gross. For some reason I think that JMO would find this really comical. I don’t know why. Sorry JMO, creamy buttery spread is reminding me of you right now. It’s 22:22 MT, and we’ve been driving since 08:30 PST. I don’t feel like setting up my tent tonight so hopefully our friend in Bozeman will just let us couch surf.

Phew, I’m glad that moment of sassiness has past, it is now 22:28. David Grisman Bluegrass Experience can do wonders for foul moods, just a little travel tip for ya. I must remain positive, thanks David.

We stopped at this random pull off in Montana. I have to admit if I hadn’t been with Theresa, I would have been nervous for my safety. It was a big empty saloon looking shithole. There were a few sketchy characters getting drinks, an arcade, and large gift store with baby outfits with slogans like “all mommy wanted was a backrub” on them. As T was getting the car, I found a sign with the US map on it and people had signed it with a sharpie. I decided it was something I wanted to do. This led to a conversation with the owner of the fine establishment. He said we had just missed out on the annual Testicle Festival. Darnit. Apparently, 70,000 people showed up this year to have some good ole All-American redneck fun. Maybe next year…

In addition to planking across America, we are also spreading the Emma Caroling Jane (ECJ) love. We placed their first sticker in Mt. Hood. Ladies, I’m spreadin’ the love.

This is Stumptown

With bindi's in place and glitter dusted, we embarked on our journey. As Theresa and I pulled from Samoa Cookhouse, we sat for a moment in silence (and not just because the UHaul is lacking a cd/tape player) knowing that this would be the last gathering of its kind with people we love dearly.

At first it didn't hit me that our adventure was finally in motion. But as the fog disappeared behind us and I gazed at our gerry-rigged AC-converter boombox, I knew this UHaul had become the vessel of what is going to be not only an amazing vacation but also a graceful transformation for both of us.

....Let the plankings begin:

After driving 408 miles today we arrived at our final destination-PORTLAND. We are staying with two other Tomoans-Steve and Xelha. They just happened to be having a white trash party, complete with hot pockets and handlebar moustaches (not quite the transformation I was expecting, but I'll definitely take it for the evening). Also, they randomly know a kid named Paul LoCoco. Weird. I seriously think we are related.